Sardines & Other Stories

"If men were angels then no government would be necessary."
-as heard in the 2008
mini-series "John Adams"

Some medical experts call sardines the “health food in a can.” They are high in Omega-3’s, contain virtually no mercury and are loaded with calcium. They also contain iron, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, zinc, copper and manganese as well as a full complement of B vitamins.

Try to choose sardines that are packed in olive or sardine oil. You may eat them plain, mixed with salad, on toast or crackers, or mashed with Dijon mustard and onions as a spread.

Sardines are an important super food. They are high in purines (which could cause gout--if you are susceptible--so don't overdo the eating process). Always drink water to cleanse.

Sardines are the King of Omega-3’s--Your body needs but does not manufacture essential Omega-3 fatty acids—you must get them from the foods you eat. And odds are, your diet is deficient. Nordic sardines are a top source, offering as much as 2.8 grams of Omega-3’s in every 85 gram serving.

Sardines are filled with High-Quality Protein--A single 85 gram serving of sardines will supply you with some 11 grams of protein, without a lot of saturated fats, and just a mere 85 or so calories. This ratio is ideal for turbo-charging your weight-loss formula.

Sardines have Calcium, Vitamin D, and Phosphorous--You know you need calcium for strong bones. But did you know that research has linked higher-calcium diets with decreased fat storing and increased fat burning? A serving of sardines offers you almost three times the calcium in a cup of milk, plus the vitamin D and phosphorous required for calcium absorption.

Sardines are perfect for Safety and Purity--Experts agree that we need more fish in our diet. Nordic sardines might be the safest choice. Low on the food chain and netted in clean waters, these fish have the least chance of methyl mercury and other contaminants.

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 8, 1985
Friday

All right! It's the last day of the work week. I was starving this morning, so the blueberry muffin did its job.

Our section was looking forward to 3PM. Our section was departing early for a late lunch at Sinbad's.

Earlier, I telephoned mom after not having called in a few days. She was watching "The Young & The Restless" with John and Ashley. She did not have a whole lot of news to report.

3PM arrived and lunch at Sinbad's was fun. I was at the head of the table. I was seated next to Cindy Chow and Stephanie Bautista. Carl Brooks was not at work today (nor did he attend the lunch). I think Carl may have been trying to spite Stephanie for the intense talk they had yesterday. I know he was late and has recurring tardies over the last four months. Who knows what else may be going on? All I know is that those who were present had a good lunch as we shared some good laughs.

Dale Orlando came over at approximately 5PM. We had a pretty interesting chat. By the end of the evening I had about enough of Dale. I was tired of his lewd remarks about hints of me stripping for him! He was even suggesting that I show him my 'pee-pee' or having a 'circle jerk'. Where does he learn these terms? While I hope he was kidding he did share a few memorable stories tonight.

Dale shared a story of how he almost committed suicide over some dude.
"I was at Highland Hospital at one time for about three days in 1982," Dale said.
I tried to share a bit of my trauma but my stories never seemed to compare. We were at Leticio's, a restaurant on Market Street while we had this discussion.
"You know Anita, the older lady in our office?"
"Yeah, what about her?"
"She greeted me one morning wearing only her slip when I went to pick her up to go to work," Dale revealed.
"Really? That doesn't seem like her. That's shocking!"
And then, Dale continued with more sensational stories.
"This is confidential, okay? You know Ryan, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he told me he was at the same gym that David Vigil goes to, they were taking a shower together. Ryan bent over to get some soap or something and David started to get a hard-on. A very little hard-on."
My eyes immediately understood what he was getting at and we both started laughing.
"That's too funny. You know, Randy Evans, told me that he had seen Dave doing some strange things. Randy said that Dave was stuffing things inside his shorts to make his private area have more of a bulge."
Dale started laughing.

I also felt a need for more transference since he shared so much with me. I told him about my unknown child through artificial insemination. Dale was quite enthralled with the story.
"No more," I said when Dale kept badgering me for more personal information.
"Just tell me, are you bi?"
"That's enough," I shouted and I did not admit to anything in that regard. I tried to change the subject.
"So...tell me, Dale. Who have you 'made it' with in the office?"
"I won't say."
I knew he was giving me a taste of my own medicine.
"Well, I have. I've made it with someone in the office."
"Who?"
"I won't say."
"I can guess. Ryan, right?"
I laughed, thinking 'no such luck', "There's no way!"

Dale started to explain about the colored handkerchiefs and what they mean in the gay world.
Dale said, "If you are walking around with a blue handkerchief in your back right pocket it means that you like to get head."
I couldn't help but laughing.
"It's true," Dale said.
So I took Dale's handkerchief and put it in my back right pocket.

The evening was going overtime. We got my car and a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream at a Convenient Mart, then proceeded over to my place. As promised, I interpreted Dale's TAROT cards. He thought my interpretations were uncannily correct. Hurrah!

Dale continued to surprise me as he pouted like a small boy and stuttered.
"You know Michael, I was molested by my dad at fifteen years old. And...at at at seventeen I had recurring sex with my mothers' neighbors, a married couple."
His stutter never bothered me. It happened a lot at work with him. I just thought it strange to hear the many stories he has and can so easily share.

Dale left my house by 11PM or so. Then I went to the gym (at this very late hour). That's why they call it 24-Hour Nautilus. It was a difficult work out after my drinking cocktails and Bailey's Irish Cream beforehand. I took a brief jacuzzi and sauna afterward. While in the shower some black guy was showering near me and flaunting (or so it seemed). Creepy. I left the showers, dried off and went home. 'Good night' at 2AM.

Oh yes, I almost forgot. Steffanie Redding called while Dale was here at my pad. I received a photograph of her and her daughter. She looks okay. She looks a bit like Betty Crowton (one of my brother Tony's number one flames from way back). Then again...the photograph is so miniature that it is all so questionable as to what her figure looks like. It's beyond me. It was time for sensual dreams and sleep.

"All people have things they consider to be private and that they don't go around airing in public."
-Steig Larsson
"The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo"

Pumpkin Seeds

"I haven't seen you all week, I'm dying for a dose of you."
-actress Julianne Moore
to actor Colin Firth in the
2009 Tom Ford film
"A Single Man"

Pumpkin seeds are the most nutritious part of the pumpkin and packed with magnesium. These seeds contain high levels of the mineral and are associated with lower risk for early death.

Eat pumpkin seeds roasted as a snack, or sprinkled on salad.

Here are TEN health benefits of Pumpkin Seeds:

Prostate Protection-They promote overall prostate health and alleviate the difficult urination associated with an enlarged prostate.

Improved Bladder Function-In some studies, pumpkin seed extracts improved bladder function in animals.

Depression Treatment-They contain L-tryptophan, a compound naturally effective against depression.

Prevention of Osteoporosis-Because they are high in zinc, pumpkin seeds are a natural protector against osteoporosis. Low intake of zinc is linked to higher rates of osteoporosis.

Natural Anti-Inflammatory-Pumpkin seeds effectively reduce inflammation without the side effects of anti-inflammatory drugs.

Prevention of Kidney Stones-They prevent calcium oxalate kidney stone formation, according to studies.

Treatment of Parasites-They are used in many cultures as a natural treatment for tapeworms and other parasites. Studies also show them to be effective against acute schistosomiasis, a parasite contracted from snails.

Great Source of Magnesium-1/2 cup of pumpkin seeds contains 92% of your daily value of magnesium, a mineral in which most Americans are deficient.

Lower Cholesterol-Pumpkin seeds contain phytosterols, compounds that that have been shown to reduce levels of LDL cholesterol.

Cancer Prevention-The same phytosterols that lower cholesterol also protect against many cancers.

Don't overdo it. Pumpkin seeds have been known to cause upset stomach in some people. I was at Whole Foods and bought a bag full of RAW pumpkin seeds and ate the whole bag while watching TV one night. I spent a major part of the next day with frequent visits to the toilet. Like everything else eat 'only in moderation'. Don't make it your entire diet in one sitting.

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 7, 1985
Thursday

PHOTO:
Paloma Sanchez-Guerra, 1985

I telephoned Paloma to verify our talk on Tuesday night. We talked about she, me and Carmella all going to Concord's BAXTER's. It's all a 'go', so I think I am going out again tonight.

Cindy Chow is a nice enough confidant. I brought in some family pictures and showed them to Cindy as well as Karyn, Stephanie, Barbara, Margaret and a few to Hal. Hal was curious to see them, so I obliged.

I spent my lunch hour visiting Great Western, Security Pacific Bank and the American Express shop. I received the $800 check from Marty Louie yesterday. He wrote a cute note about my being able to buy another bicycle now.

I paid Dale his $100 loan immediately. I wrote him a cheerful note of thanks for the temporary loan. We had a conversation later and he was telling me how much he appreciated the note I left for him.

Steffanie Redding sent me a 15-page letter from Fairfield, CA. She's getting too serious, too fast. I think. It reminds me of the Tustin, California gal, Laurie Robertson case. Only this time the stalking includes a four year old daughter named Tabitha. I just hope Tabitha does not have evil powers. Steffanie's letter was interesting and entertaining. I had to telephone her. She knew I would. We talked a bit, without much substance to write about here.

I tried to nap but couldn't. I got ready to drive up to the Berkeley Hills to pick up Paloma. She showed me a couple of the new L.A. leotards she bought. Then we left to get her friend, Carmella.

Carmella turned out to be a tall, Latin, good-looking lady with long, long black hair. It was wild. The three of us each had white russian cocktails. And the '3 of us' all danced together. They were just two of the HOTTEST gals at the club and here I was dancing with both of them! Sometimes Paloma gets harsh and overruling in her tone when talking to Carmella. I can tell they're good buddies. Carmella lives with her boyfriend. She's a nurse at Herrick Hospital.

We all danced up a storm. Karen, the cocktail waitress, was working at BAXTER's on this night but she didn't look so hot this time.
When Karen served me a drink with curious eyes I lifted my chin towards Paloma's direction and said, "Yeah, she's my girlfriend."
"She's very pretty," Karen replied.
I knew that.
Karen continued. "We ought to really maintain our friendship. I've missed not seeing you in quite a while."
Could it be? Now that I am with someone, do I seem more of an attraction?

The evening was fun. The only thing is that I didn't get home until 2:30AM! There will be no going out this weekend. It should be easy to wake up in the morning. It's Friday, right? Yawn.

Men alone can comprehend the rage that a woman excites in the soul of a man when, after showing her his strength, his power, his wisdom, his superiority, the capricious creature bends her head and says, "All that is nothing"; when, unmoved, she smiles and says, "Such things are known to me," as though his power were nought.
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

Dried Plums & Diana Ross

"A gay man with a camera thinks he can control his life if he gets it on film."
-Christopher Bram
"Mapping The Territory"



Okay, so "dried plums" really are prunes but they are packed with antioxidants.

Try prunes wrapped in prosciutto and baked. They provide potassium, soluble and insoluble fiber, phytochemicals that function as antioxidants as well as some iron and Vitamin A. Dried Plums/Prunes play an important role in promoting good digestive health.




Twenty-five years ago today:

February 6, 1985
Wednesday

Today is Jim Koran's birthday. I didn't call him but I wonder if he received my creatively wrapped gift and card. I will soon see. I am sure.

I drove into work for the first time today. I left at 6:45AM and arrived in a timely fashion. I was walking to the Metro Cafe on Market Street for breakfast by 7:30AM. After my breakfast I went to my usual cubicle station where Carl was doing his usual nagging (about work). He is too damn negative.

Karyn Kossoff gave me my Diana Ross ticket for tonight. Ryan Hargrave also came by my desk and got me all hyped about about tonight's concert event. After work, Ryan and I took off together in my car. We had intentions of going to HEADLINES (the card/gift shop) but ended up at some other store (Evotica on Polk Street). Ryan bought a silver cross earring to wear for tonight. Ryan is fun...too fun. We went into an Adult bookstore and looked around. It was fun.
I jokingly said, "Let's go back in that Adult bookstore."
Was I kidding? Tee-Hee...
He laughed at my remark, too. I think he 'got off' on the idea for a split-second.

Ryan pointed to the American Rag store. I had been curious about that place for a long time now. We didn't bother to venture inside but it's good to know where it is located.


Ryan and I went to Ryan's apartment where he 'shit, showered and shined' (to use his words). I prepared myself to look a bit more "punked-out". Ron Shelly arrived as I was placing my bullet belt into position. I took quite a few pictures. Denise arrived. The group also included Nancy, Bryan, Shelly, Ron, Ryan, Karyn, Elizabeth and me.


Ryan spoke of the Chaka Kahn concert. He was a bit phased because he had thought I tagged along to that event. I wasn't invited to that one! I did mention the New Year's Eve bash in January and now Diana Ross night here in February, so I said, "We have to plan a March event!"

Ryan and I got a number of double-take glances because of our attire at the Diana Ross concert. We looked as though we went to the wrong concert. We made the most fun of it. It was great.

I drove to the Circle Star Theater with Ryan and Denise. We drank canned, liquor store bought margarita's. The plan was to be feeling good upon entry to the Theater.

PHOTO: Top Row-Nancy, Bryan, Ryan and 'me'
Front Row-Elizabeth, Shelly, Ron and Denise
Forefront Center-Karyn Kossoff

I took photos of Diana Ross but the lighting was less than perfect. I took pictures of my pals, too. We all had a really good time. Diana Ross looked stunning in her white glitter gown. Her voice was smooth and it was a thrill to see and hear this 'Lady Sing the Blues'. Afterwards we drove to San Francisco and were planning on meeting up at Barnaby's.

This time Ron Shelly rode in my car with Denise and Ryan in the backseat. Upon arrival to Barnaby's we reached a let down moment. Ron did not have his Photo ID, so they would not let him into the club. By now, the group was only me, Ryan, Nancy, Denise and Elizabeth. We danced a few and showed up all of the 'redneck' crowd that was already hanging out there with our good dancing moves.

Ultimately, I ended up driving Elizabeth Center home, then Denise. I was home by 1 o'clock in the morning. I was tired. Yawn.


"Everything about him was symmetrical and well-balanced action and heart, intelligence and will."
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

Pomegranate Juice

If I'm a fanatic about one thing, it's having one particular best friend that I can really connect with.
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times Bad Times", a novel

Pomegranate juice appears to lower blood pressure and it is loaded with antioxidants.
Just drink it.

In some clinical studies, pomegranate juice has been shown to be of significant benefit, especially in the prevention of heart disease. To start, a glass of pomegranate juice contains about 40% of the US Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) of Vitamin C. It also has Vitamin A, E and folic acid in good quantities.

Pomegranate juice has about three times more antioxidants ounce for ounce than does red wine or green tea. It has been shown to work well as a blood thinner. Some research has shown it may be an excellent agent for promoting blood flow to the heart. It also has been shown to reduce plaque in the arteries, and to raise “good” levels of cholesterol while helping lower “bad” cholesterol.

Some research has also evaluated the antioxidant nature of pomegranate juice and its usefulness in fighting certain forms of cancer. Pomegranate juice has been tentatively shown to reduce incidence of breast and skin cancer. It has also been tested and shown to slow the growth of prostate cancer in mice.

It may prevent and slow Alzheimer's disease. In one study, mice bred to develop Alzheimer's disease were given pomegranate juice. They accumulated significantly less amyloid plaque than control mice and they performed mental tasks better.

Another interesting study has evaluated pomegranate juice and osteoarthritis. Pomegranate juice tends to act as an inhibitor on enzymes responsible for damaging cartilage. These studies applied extract of pomegranate directly onto damaged cartilage. More research would have to examine a cause and effect relationship between oral ingestion of pomegranate juice and reduction in cartilage deterioration.

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 5, 1985
Tuesday

I received an impersonal postcard today from Brenda Dickson of 'The Young & The Restless'. There was a typewritten message on the card and the only personal touch were these words:
'Dear Michael
-And I love the butterfly note card. It is very pretty.'
So...beats me? She didn't even let me know about lunch together one day. What the hell? She must be too busy to make time to meet someone new. She may not have even typed the card.

I also got a postcard postmarked Feb 4, 1985 from Paloma. It depicted a neon sign of HOLLYWOOD. She wrote:
Dear Michael,
Just a few words to tell you that I miss you. I love the beaches and I am having a great time. Write soon.
Love,
Paloma

I had lunch with Dale Orlando (the over sized, jolly fellow) in my SDC (Sales Development Center) Office. We ate at CARL'S JR. and he loaned me one-hundred dollars! That was especially nice of him.

I had sixty-three sales points today.

Carl Brooks is complaining a lot about his back pain.

I received a letter of commendation from Steffanie Redding of KGB Partnership. She does spell her first name 'Steffanie'. She even sent me a Valentine's Day Card! She has slacked off on calling me so much because she received my little card that I sent her that depicted a horse in a field. I hinted to her in that card about NOT calling me at work unless it was business-related.

When I arrived home from work I telephoned Paloma to Thank her for the postcard. She told me more about her trip to Los Angeles. It was funny to hear her tell the story of her ordeal. They had a car accident on the way down (near Santa Cruz). They had left at 7AM and arrived in Los Angeles at 11PM. They took Highway 1 (the scenic route). They listened to music on cassette tapes repeatedly over and over again. They went out to a few places including a posh place with snob people. One of the places had 'too young' of a crowd.
"I still had a good time even with all of the driving I had to do," Paloma said.
It sounded like a fun experience that would not be forgotten any time soon.

John came over to show me his new car. He bought a new maroon Honda Accord and plans to sell Sherri's green truck any day now. I thought it was a nice car. I liked the color. We went for a spin together around the block. I'm glad John took the time to share this with me. I guess it makes me glad because I care for him and think of him and his family so much. They are 'my' family.

I went to the gym again and saw this older looking muscular guy that I had seen before. He is a sort of Jeffrey Burr lookalike (only older and more muscular). He came into the shower while I was in there and we both observed each other. I know he is a 'questionable'. I can tell. I want to get to know him. Maybe I will see and talk to him the next time.

After working out--since it was a Tuesday--I recalled Frank Vasconcellos telling me he'd been to the gay skating rink after not going for a long time. And so, I decided to drop in. When I first walked in I met this really tall guy named Chris (what else is new?). This Chris is twenty-seven and lives in Oakland. He came to the rink alone and we made gibberish talk. We talked about skating and I mentioned how I had just come from my gym.

Suddenly, I was drawn to the smile and gallant aura of a fellow named Robert who was wearing an earth toned burnt-sienna colored shirt and dark leather pants.
"Hey, where did you get those pants?" I asked.
Robert replied, "Wilkes-Bashford."
I think I gulped for a second there, realizing his name is Robert, like Bob.
"Oh, do you know Robert Umland who works there?"
"Uh...I don't know, what does he look like?"
"He's the one with the receding hairline and handles the Sport shop."
"Oh, I do know who you mean, but you know it's funny because all of the salespeople there have receding hairlines."
We both laughed.

This Robert seemed nice despite his small gold pierced earring. I did not like that. He had a nice smile but he went off to skate with a few of his pals. I did find out that he is twenty-five, born in 1959 and lives in San Francisco.

Bill Helbush was there, too. He came along on his skates and hugged me. I was having a beer on the sidelines. Bill forced a peck of a kiss on my cheek. He looked as though he had gained a little weight. He seems to be a very promiscuous flirt throughout this rink. He continued his skating as I looked on.

Then my "uh oh" vibes came along because I was just thinking silently to myself about who else I might see here that I know. I thought of Bruce Goree. And sure enough, at that very moment I saw Bruce! He was with two other guys. I never disclosed to Bruce that I might be gay, so he was suddenly starting to hang out with me.
"So, what are you doing here?"
"I'm just visiting Bill," nodding my way towards Bill as he sped by on his skates.
Bruce made a snide remark, "Yeah sure, you got caught."
"Yeah, maybe so but I haven't been caught in any acts."
Bruce laughed it off. What else could he do?
PHOTO: Actor,
Patrick Swayze on skates

I saw the new Robert looking at me from the corner of my eye. This made me wish that Bruce would just split. Bruce and I talked some gibberish, too. I would be lying if I said I felt NO stress about seeing him. Why do I care? I rarely talk to Bruce anyway.
Bruce shrugged. "I may give you a call on Saturday unless, of course, I end up going home with you tonight."
I smiled, catching his drift and thinking silently to myself, "Uh oh, No way!"
"Are you gay...or what?" Bruce asked in a point blank unexpected turn.
Just to shut him up I said, "Bi."

I left the mucky place by 11PM, realizing the place showed no real improvement. While I did get a few other double-takes and head turns I made no other conversation with any one. It was time to go. Yawn.

"Lovely man...lovely."
(I always get a kick out of him calling a man "lovely". He's extremely masculine; it's incongruous and a little dated, I suppose, but good to hear.)
-James Kirkwood
"Good Times Bad Times", a novel

Cinnamon Gardens

The different stages of a man's life are often reflected in the guests he invites to his annual dinner.
-Shyam Selvadurai
"Cinnamon Gardens", a novel

Studies have shown that just 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon per day can lower LDL cholesterol. Several studies suggest that cinnamon may have a regulatory effect on blood sugar, making it especially beneficial for people with Type 2 diabetes. In some studies, cinnamon has shown an amazing ability to stop medication-resistant yeast infections.

In a study published by researchers at the U.S. Department of Agriculture in Maryland, cinnamon reduced the proliferation of leukemia and lymphoma cancer cells.

It has an anti-clotting effect on the blood. In a study at Copenhagen University, patients given half a teaspoon of cinnamon powder combined with one tablespoon of honey every morning before breakfast had significant relief in arthritis pain after one week and could walk without pain within one month.

When cinnamon is added to food, it inhibits bacterial growth and food spoilage, making it a natural food preservative. One study found that smelling cinnamon boosts cognitive function and memory.

Cinnamon helps to control blood sugar and cholesterol. One needs only to sprinkle some into coffee or oatmeal.

Researchers at Kansas State University found that cinnamon fights the E. coli bacteria in unpasteurized juices. Cinnamon is also a great source of manganese, fiber, iron, and calcium.

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 4, 1985
Monday

Mom wants me to take her to Palo Alto on Saturday.
"Okay, I will." I said to mom happily.

Carl Brooks had the day off. I missed him last Friday and today. He is growing on me. I like hearing his woes. He is a good friend.

I enjoyed a yogurt at lunchtime. I took Jim Koran's gift to the post-office.

I achieved excellence today with forty-three PNS (sales related) points.

Stephanie Redding called me again (two or three times). She can't seem to let go of the mysteriousness of me. I guess this introductory phase has her going haywire (until she meets me).

My supervisor (the other Stephanie) wants our section to wear jeans and white shirts tomorrow. Wearing white is in honor of gay men's independence and individuality (or something like that).
"Okay, I will wear white tomorrow," I replied.
Besides, my Gemini horoscope for tomorrow says 'Some Discrimination on your part will enable you to know who your friends really are.'
And so, wearing white tomorrow will prove interesting.

I made a quick visit home after my workday and headed straight to the gym for my work out. I talked to the guy who works there that Paloma thought had a good body. He does have a good body. He now seems to have noticed me and has given me 'the eye' a lot lately. I like him. He sort of resembles Bill Helbush but he's much more fit and slender. His body is so well-defined and toned.

I was thinking of dropping over to the gay skating rink in San Leandro tomorrow night. I figure I'll be working out and it is so close by. Why not?

I had a good workout tonight. I went to Jack-In-The-Box.

I'm now watching a movie starring Martin Sheen and Marlo Thomas called "Consenting Adults". It's about a couple's only son, admitting that he is a homosexual. It reminded me of the time my ma and pa read my journal in relation to my 'George Jones' dating days in July through October 1983. Ma and Pa thought I was gay. Dad cried (a little) and so did the father in this movie. I explained that those journal notes were for a book I am writing and it's not true. I think they believed me. If anything, I've confused them given the dates I have had with females since they happened to read those parts of my journal.

I can relate to this "Consenting Adults" movie. I feel for the son but I can't believe how open he is in telling his mother his intimate feelings. I can relate to his feelings for the guy he likes in his swim team. Then again, I actually like some girls and want and yearn to be "inside" them, too. Does that make me 'bi'? I only wish I had more sexual experiences with girls. I am young so time will tell. It's also a matter of finding the gals and guys that I am emotionally and physically attracted to the point of wanting to have sex with them. There are 'few and far' between in this world.

I remember now that mom had told me of this movie last night.
"Yeah, it looks good," I replied as I know she was testing me for more of a reaction.
Mom wouldn't look me straight in the face when we discussed it. I know she still had doubts. She wonders about me after she read my journal in 1983. I know it. I do, of course, care about how she feels. I doubt if I would ever admit to anything because I would rather keep it confidential and clean (not make a dirty calamity of it).

A key sentence from the movie "Consenting Adults" is 'Two people can't solve any situational problem by avoiding each other'. And another key quote I heard was when the homosexual son said, "I don't feel any different about you (his parents). I just wish you didn't feel any different about me." Maybe that is what I am afraid of...that feeling of difference.

I guess I am still studying myself at this point. I want and need to explore more 'in-depth'. (?)

"...as you well know, when people act according to their opinions they can end up ruining other lives."
-Shyam Selvadurai
"Cinnamon Gardens", a novel

Swiss Chard

"I listen to you with fascination.
Your words are incomprehensible, but they charm me.
What is it you mean to say?"
-Honroe de Balzac
"Seraphita"

Swiss chard is a leafy green vegetable packed with carotenoids that protect aging eyes. You can eat Swiss chard by chopping and sauteed in olive oil. In the Mediterranean, chard is very popular and appears on many a pizza.

Swiss Chard's nutritional benefits contribute to good health and are a versatile vegetable to cook with. It's botanical name is Beta vulgaris (Crassa group) and is a member of the beetroot family. This fall vegetable comes in amazing varieties of colors, solid green, green and white, green and red and bright red. It's packed with a large variety of nutrients, including: Vitamin K, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Magnesium, Manganese, Potassium, Iron and riboflavin.

Swiss Chard contains dietary fiber and has other essential trace elements including Copper, Calcium, Phosphorus and Sodium. With its plentiful nutrients, antioxidants, phytochemicals, and more it helps prevent digestive tract and colon cancers and can also protect the kidneys of those with diabetes. It's good for bone health, lung health, heart health, vision, immune systems, and mental clarity. The list goes on and on.

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 3, 1985
Sunday

Here it is at twenty minutes before ten o'clock on a Sunday morning. I am not as depressed as I was last night about my lost 'combination lock'. It's just that it had such sentimental value. I stole it while I was in High School from my Physical Education class. And to this day I still remember the combination: 14-33-39. Oh well, I can forget that combination now.

I am thinking about that "R U N" joke from last night that I originally heard from Ryan Hargrave (when he said it to Diana). I have to admit that I didn't get it until the third or forth time she said "R U N".

After Marty Louie pays me the eight-hundred dollars I am going to go grocery shopping. I may buy Jim Koran a little gift of some sort. And in-between those errands I will go to the gym (only because I cannot go next Wednesday or Friday).

I wonder what it will be like living with this Marty guy. He seems respectable enough. I am a fairly good judge of character. I believe it will work out.

Marty came. The jerk forgot his checkbook!
He said, "I promise you I will mail the eight-hundred dollars tonight."
He better mail it! I gave him a house key and the spare garage opener. I also took him for a tour of the Islandia Townhome Recreation Center Clubhouse and pool area. We sat and talked about school and each other. We gabbed on 'get to know you' sort of small talk stuff.

When Marty left my plans were ruined. I could no longer go shopping for groceries without the cash I had expected. I ended up driving to Bay Fair and MACY's Clearance Place did not have "shit". So I went to the regular Bay Fair MACY's and bought Jim two shirts. Then I decided NOT to work out. I just didn't feel up to it. I found a reason. I forgot my new lock.

I went home and wrapped Jim's gift, wrapping it with clippings from my ESQUIRE and M magazines. The clippings reminded me of Jim or made me feel Jim would appreciate them. I hope he's happy by my thought of sending him the gift. I guess I did it because he's such a nice guy. Also I owed it to him because he let me stay at his apartment last October. He's a chum. After wrapping his gift I took a nap. I showered when I woke up.

Mom telephoned.
"I'm coming over to bring you the roll of film that I bought you for that concert you're going to on Wednesday night."
"Oh, okay...great," I said as I thought excitedly about seeing Diana Ross. I cannot wait. Diana Ross is not my all-time favorite but it will be fun.

I accompanied mom to SAFEWAY and then had a couple of hot dogs and a root beer while at mom's house. I watched two taped episodes of "The Young & The Restless". Then I went straight home. It was already 8:15PM or so and I knew I needed the rest.

Stephanie Kovach-Redding telephoned once again. I should not have been too surprised. She is really pleasant to talk to.
"What's your favorite color?"
I replied, "Blue."
"I knew it!"
"Well, I really like blue, white and silver."
"You won't believe this but those are the colors of my bike."
"Really?"
"Yep."
Sometimes I wondered if she was just making up things.
She said, "I won four-hundred dollars playing BINGO at Armijo High."
"No way. I wish I had your luck."
"Well, if only you were here...I could rub your tummy with some of that luck."
I laughed. She's fun. I am beginning to look forward to the day we actually meet face-to-face.

Michael felt a sensation of warmth stealing over him, like the glow from a glass of wine.
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Crave Your Cabbage

If only I could go back to taking pleasure in such little things, instead of yearning for the impossible.
-Stefan Zweig
"The Post-Office Girl"

Cabbage is loaded with nutrients like sulforaphane, a chemical said to boost cancer-fighting enzymes. You could eat cabbage as Asian-style slaw or as a crunchy topping on burgers and sandwiches.

Modern science has proven beyond a reasonable doubt that the health benefits and therapeutic value of cabbage plays a role in the inhibition of infections and ulcers. Cabbage extracts have been proven to kill certain viruses and bacteria in the laboratory setting. Cabbage boosts the immune system's ability to produce more antibodies. Cabbage provides high levels of iron and sulphur, minerals that work in part as cleansing agents for the digestive system.

There are many different varieties of cabbage, so please, be brave and innovative. Green cabbage is the most popular, common and of course the one we are most familiar with. Take a walk on the wild side with Savoy cabbage. With yellow crinkled leaves, you can use this variety of cabbage as an alternate in many recipes. Let's not forget Bok Choy, a routine addition to Chinese recipes that has a sweet, light, celery type familiarity. Red Cabbage. It goes without saying in that it simply has to be good for you given all that beautiful plant pigment where the majority of nutrition is stored. Red cabbage is good in salads and is commonly pickled. Napa cabbage has a mild sweet taste and is incredible in stir fry dishes.

Cabbage contains lactic acid that acts to disinfect the colon. Cabbage can also be used to reduce headache pain.

Cabbage may lower the incidence of cancer, especially in the lung, stomach and colon prostate. It is a muscle builder, blood cleanser and eye strengthener. The juice of fresh raw cabbage has been proven to heal stomach ulcer.

Do not forget to crave your cabbage.

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 2, 1985
Saturday

Well, Let's see. Marty Louie told me last Thursday that he'd be coming over on Sunday. And now, Stephanie is not coming today after all. So, what do I do with myself on this Saturday? I could wash clothes. Somehow I'd like to 'save' that activity.

I visited mom's for breakfast and watched two taped Tonight Shows with Joan Rivers as hostess. I meandered on home to sleep until 2:30PM. I was 'out of it'. Finally, I increased my energy levels and set forth on a bike ride to my gym in San Leandro. I realized that I had left my 'combination lock' on my locker the previous night. I was hoping that it was turned in and that I would retrieve it today.

Scott, the Nautilus Manager, was such an asshole. He claimed that there were no locks to look through after the receptionist 'point blank' told me that there was a whole box full of combination locks that people are always forgetting.
"Shit!"
That missing lock got me down. I have to admit that I was relieved a bit when a blond gentleman (who works at the gym) apologized for my not being able to locate my lost lock.

I had a reasonable workout. As I was washing up in the locker room a strange, elder gent asked, "Is the steam room co-ed?"
"No."
"Oh good, because I wasn't sure if I had to put some shorts on if I went in there."
He kept checking me out as I was looking in the mirror, straightening out my hair.
"Ugh," I silently thought as far as that goes. I headed out and hopped on my bike. The ride home was eventful. I did not slack off during the fresh, clean airy ride. My fury was all there.

I went to ma and pa's and they invited mt to dinner at Gallagher's tonight (where John works as a bartender). I accepted.

While I was ironing my slacks I got another 'stalker' call from Stephanie Redding. We talked about her suggestion to treat me to the Blue Fox Restaurant in San Francisco. She kept talking as I was ironing. She felt a need to explain about her old romance with the tenth Earl of 'who knows where'.

Ma and Pa and I made it to Gallagher's. I was driving and I made sure they wore their seat belts. We went to the bar first and I noticed the manager and host checking me (or us) out. We sat at the bar and my brother, John, made us margarita cocktails. We noticed some whispering of the manager to John.
John said, "My manager just said those drinks are on the house."
So, that was pretty cool.

Just as we were enjoying our drinks we saw Cecelia (my Dad's niece) and Jim Markus walk in with my Aunt Josie and her husband, Bill Wright. We ended up joining them all for dinner. It was fun and so randomly spontaneous. We cracked jokes. I liked the one Jim told about why Chinese have buck teeth and squinted eyes (from jacking-off).

After dinner the margarita pitchers really kicked-in. When I was outside I had my cousin Cecelia and my Aunt Josie bend over half way and spell 'R U N' ten times very quickly. (Are You In, Are You In, Are You In...) That was funny. It made my mom 'piss her pants'. It was really a fun evening even if the bill was $143. I didn't put up a penny.

After dinner, Dad stopped by John and Sherri's to get 'The Hanky Panky' adult videotape. I went home and straight to bed.

Marty Louie had left a voice mail message: "Hi Mike, I will be there between ten and eleven tomorrow morning."

She was like a nagging itch, repellent and at the same time tempting.
-Steig Larsson
"The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"

The Beauty of Beets

As shared with me by friend, Zahra Mirjehan Baird,
who shared this line by Buddhist teacher Reginald Ray:

"Our life is not a series of random insignificant, disconnected events. Anything that we do is meaningful in one way or another. So don't waste your day."

Tara Parker-Pope wrote an article for the New York Times recently titled: "The 11 Best Foods You Aren't Eating". I thought I would focus on each of these 'eleven' foods over the next eleven days and expand on why these FOODS are so vital to our health.

Tara, questioned nutritionist and author, Jonny Bowden, who has created several lists of healthful foods people should be eating but aren’t. Some of his favorites, like purslane, guava and goji berries, aren’t always available at regular grocery stores. She asked Dr. Bowden, author of “The 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth,” to update his list with some favorite foods that are easy to find but don’t always find their way into our shopping carts. Here’s his first pick: BEETS.

Think of beets as red spinach, Dr. Bowden said, because they are a rich source of folate as well as natural red pigments that may be cancer fighters.
How to eat: Fresh, raw and grated to make a salad. Heating decreases the antioxidant power.

THE FACTS: Ancient peoples believed that the color of beets was indicative of their power. Folklore mentions that beets were eaten to aid the blood: Greeks used beets to "cool" blood, and Romans used beets to fight fever.

The Foods and Nutrition Encyclopedia notes that wild beets were gathered for their greens, and that beets were cultivated for their roots around the early Christian era. By the sixteenth century, the red beet had traveled widely and was being used as food by the English.

One cup of raw beets is high in carbohydrates and low in fat. It contains phosphorus, sodium, magnesium, calcium, iron, and potassium, as well as fiber, vitamins A and C, niacin, and biotin. Beets contain folic acid.

According to John Heinerman, in the Encyclopedia of Healing Juices, beets (and beet juices) are a blood-building herb that detoxifies blood and renews it with minerals and natural sugars.

Dr. H.C.A. Vogel, in The Nature Doctor, states that beet juice contains betaine, which stimulates the function of liver cells and protects the liver and bile ducts. Recent studies point to betaine as contributing to the prevention of coronary and cerebral artery diseases.

Early research in Hungary indicated that beet juice and its powdered form slowed the development of tumors. Heinerman reports that Alexander Ferenczi, M.D., observed beets aiding cancer patients and performed studies that indicated that beets may help animals fight cancer.

Twenty-five years ago today:

February 1, 1985
Friday

Well, January 1985 is gone.

I spent much of the month with Paloma as my main attraction and adversary. I love her wildness, her company and high-fashion look. I am thinking now of that one fellow who spontaneously said, "You're one couple that looks good on the beach."
That is so unforgettable to me.

Today, Carl Brooks, Cindy Chow and Barbara Reynolds had the day off.
Surprisingly, Margaret Lai asked, "Michael, would you mind sitting next to me if Hank is transferred to the ASR Group?"
"I wouldn't mind that," I answered with my usual office smile.

Sue and Mary were at a continuation training course for most of the day. Karyn Kossoff had the day off today, too.

At lunch I went to the Emporium Department store to find a gift for Jim Koran. I had no luck. I did buy myself a comb and received the change from my twenty-dollar gift certificate. I had won that certificate from my last month's sales.

This month of February will be tough since it is a short month. There are only nineteen business days.

I had a raunchy customer or two on this first day of February. I got word that Stephanie Redding would not be able to visit me in Alameda tomorrow after all. Her car was hit midday today. Her mom's car is not exactly in very good condition to make the ride (Oh well).

After work I came home to lounge. I stopped over to see Dad for a while. I quickly left for the 24 Hour Nautilus gym at 8PM or so (after Sherri arrived to pick-up Ashley). Sherri and (maybe Ashley) got a kick out of the little yellow chair and table I got for her from work (another perk gift for my sales performance).

My workout was just fine. It was pouring rain on my way there. Alex was there but very unfriendly. Then again, I have not said much to him either. I just go, mind my own business, work up a sweat on the nautilus machines and the LifeCycle. After a quick shower I check-out the scene and then I'm 'outta there'. If it's an exceptionally good workout I treat myself to a vanilla shake (which I did tonight).

When I was at home again by 10:15PM I called Stephanie Redding. I was actually returning her call because she was pleading with apology about not being able to visit.
"I'll tell you what. I'll make up for it with a concert to CHICAGO."
She claimed that her cousin was one of the lead singers.
Stephanie continued. "I am planning on a new Camaro."
"La Dee Dah," I thought, "It sounds like you've got some spare bucks."
Apparently the extra cash is not a reality as she began to explain her attorney fees and the costs to raise her daughter, Tabitha.

The Stephanie scenario is beginning to remind me of Leslie Fonseca and her daughter.
"Do I really want involvement in the IFP (Immediate Family Plan)?" I thought.
"No, probably not."

I wonder if Paloma is having fun and buying more fashionable leotards in Los Angeles.

Stephanie said, "I was just writing you a letter before I started to doze off. You know, I've been told that I am a brunette version of Lady Diana."
And so, I began to really wonder what she actually looks like.

I chose to watch Joan Rivers. Her guests on The Tonight Show included Mayor Ed Koch of New York, actress Elizabeth Ashley and Bill Cosby. After the show I hit the sack. Yawn.

"I must make a fresh start in life.
Hiding the truth deep in my wounded heart, I must advance silently,
taking oblivion and falsehood as my guide..."
-Selected Stories of Lu Xun
"Regret for the Past"

A Day Of Harmony

One's days were too brief to take the burden of another's errors on one's shoulders. Each man lived his own life, and paid his own price for living it.
-Oscar Wilde
"The Portrait of Dorian Gray"

Twenty-five years ago today:

January 31, 1985
Thursday

Today was not as harmonious as my TAROT cards had predicted. It was hell.

I had to face an actual customer named Bob Tuttle of Pacific Leasing who had to pay a two-hundred dollar deposit for his new Business telephone service. There seemed to be one problem after another. Some other customer named Ira Israel gave me a bad time about transferring his ten business lines ‘now’ versus just ordering an RJ21X jack that would be capable of dealing with that problem. I spoke to Ryan Hargrave about it all at break time.

Ryan is all excited about next Wednesday night (as I am) for the Diana Ross concert. His mind is elsewhere.

I shared lunch today with Barbara Reynolds. She bought film for her camera while I went to my bank to deposit my measly thirty-dollar paycheck from the Women’s Health Center. Barbara and I stopped for some chocolate chip cookies and milk. We sat, feeling the sunshine. We talked about marriage; her boyfriend (Robert), Paloma, my friend Chris Cordellos, vacation, back rubs. We laughed and simply had a great afternoon.

The remainder of my afternoon dragged on.

I felt I was beginning to recover from my stressful day when Margaret Lai asked, “Michael, would you carry my architectural desk box outside?”
Margaret won a ‘put-it-together’ yourself desk that was in a box by her office desk. I assured her that I would carry it out for her at the end of the day.

Carl Brooks and I ended up walking together to the BART station once again. It’s becoming his time to release his anxieties (like a free psychological outpouring and I am the psychologist).
Carl announced, “You know, Michael, I am planning to sell my 1982 Mustang black T-top for eighty-four hundred dollars.”
I hope he doesn’t think I’d buy it.

I went to visit Dad who was counting John’s rent tips for February. He likes counting cash.

I fed Ashley an oatmeal cookie and left shortly after that.

I was reading the newspaper when Paloma called me. I had called her at 11AM this morning but she was not at home. We, of course, had another great talk. The question is whether there is real committed future between the two of us. I think…maybe not. She is now sure she may be working with Air France or Iberia Airlines of Spain as a flight-attendant. I will miss her. We talked about her leaving tomorrow morning for Los Angeles. We went on to discuss these other topics:
-The helpful hints she is giving to this designer she knows.
-The hotel rates at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel
-My Valentine Card to her
-Her Valentine Card to me
-The Paris Fashion shows
-The French styles and buying clothes
-Going to the gym
-Her new 1 year membership for ANY Fitness Center Nationwide.

Marty Louie called me while I was at work today. He will deliver the $800 check on Saturday or Sunday.

“Great!” I said and thought how much I need that moo-la! What will it be like with him around the house?

"What about me?"
"I really don't know," said Michael, cooly. "That's between you and ____.
Whatever happens, I'm sure you wont' be the one to suffer. You're not the type."
-Nial Kent
"The Divided Path"

Alone Together

They were two close friends sitting alone together.
-Arthur Lobel
"Frog and Toad Are Friends"


"I command you to tell me everything!
I do not wish to be the frog that sits at the bottom of the well."
-Bette Bao Lord
"Spring Moon"

Twenty-five years ago today:

January 30, 1985
Wednesday

Carl Brooks, my tub mate, is really a fine character. I traded my noon lunch for Barbara Reynolds’s one o’clock lunch.

At 1PM I accompanied Carl to the Health Food Store where I bought a sandwich and treated Carl to a yogurt. We sat alone together on the sunny steps of Market and New Montgomery. We talked about the attitudes of certain coworkers (Dhyana, Guy, Hal and others). I agreed totally with regard to many of his insights. We had a nice lunch and I am glad I know Carl a bit better. I ought to invite him over here to Alameda one evening for a change of pace from the San Francisco grind. I would treat him to dinner and a drink. It would be a nice, needed change for him.

Work was “so-so”, not one of my favorite days. After work I made another visit to the Oakland Women’s Feminist Health Center, expecting a paycheck. I did not get one. What a downer! However, when I arrived home that evening there was a thirty-dollar check (which should have been seventy-five dollars) from them in my mailbox. That is going to be my LAST visit there for a while. I am beginning to feel it is not worth it. Besides…I feel I have been ‘just’ in contributing to one successful pregnancy.

I dropped in to visit my brother, John, and Ashley. I gave John a Houston Astros sticker that a customer had sent me. Then I gave John two tickets to the Pebble Beach Crosby Pro-Am Golf Tournament that Margaret Lai (a coworker) gave me. Margaret is sweet.
“Cool, I will use these tickets on Friday with Geoffrey Rookard!” John exclaimed.
Ashley smiled when she saw me. It’s neat to see and play with her. The responsibility on a regular basis would be trying on me. Taking responsibility of my own self, analyzing my moves and actions is a job in and of itself.

I went to my gym tonight. I felt a slight strain on my upper left arm, realizing it is because that joint was broken in December 1980. While at the gym I recognized a guy named Chris, one named Scott and the tall, slender one that Paloma thought had a nice body. I also noticed an Adam Carrington (Dynasty) lookalike who had a moustache. He kept staring at me. It made me think of Rick Clark or Ryan Hargrave who sometimes give me this ‘undressing you with the eyes’ look. It’s eerie but it makes me curious.

After my workout I went to Jack-In-The-Box for ‘two’ milkshakes. I ended up watching Dynasty at mom’s house while enjoying a burger that mom made for me. It was a nice pairing with the milkshakes.

"What is going to happen?" we all ask ourselves.
"How long can we endure this burden and torment?"
...This is a misunderstanding of some kind;
and it will be the ruin of us.
-Franz Kafka
"An Old Manuscript"